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December, 2009:

Surgery and the loss of what makes a woman well… a woman

We all know that there are certain parts of the anatomy that are definitively female.  The uterus, the ovaries.  Both are necessities for having a baby.

While laying with my feet in the stirrups at my last appointment (read the first blog for more of that) they found a “mass” on my right ovary.  They called me the following day to tell me what they found and to tell me that I needed surgery to remove it because it was large and they didn’t like the look of it.  I’m not sure what an attractive mass looks like, but apparently this wasn’t one.

So, the surgery was scheduled for the 15th.  I went to the Dr. on the 14th for my pre-op appointment.  This is when he tells me that they may have to take the ovary as well.  When you’re 35 (almost 36) with the odds stacked against you for another pregnancy already, this is not news you want to hear.  So I leave the appointment apprehensive about what the following day will bring.

The surgery was yesterday.  Luckily they were able to do everything laproscopically and I was able to go home the same day.  Unfortunately, they did have to remove my right ovary.  I know that plenty of woman live with one ovary and successfully get pregnant with just one ovary.  The human body is an amazing thing and can recover and compensate for the loss of certain parts.  If I were 10 years younger, and time was not an issue, then it would be no big deal.  However, that’s not the case.  Time is of the essence and not on my side.  Yes, my remaining ovary will eventually compensate for the missing one, but given the other issues I have, I think it’s probably time to give up on the dream of having another baby.

I’m a true believer that everything happens for a reason.  I’m just not sure what the reason for this is yet, but I have to have faith that there is one.  I really shouldn’t complain.  I have a beautiful, healthy, vibrant child.  Steve has 2 wonderful children as well.  It’s not that we’re incomplete.  I just really wanted to have a child with him.  It would have added to an already wonderful family.  But, life goes on.  I need to focus on the good things.  I’m healthy, our children are healthy, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.  Life doesn’t get much better, and I already have more than most.

So I will choose to focus on what I do have, and not what I don’t have.  Steve and I will rear our children into fine, productive adults and enjoy our empty nest when it arrives.  The nice thing is we will still be young enough to do the things we want to do.

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