Relationships are tough. I know this isn’t earth-shattering news, but when it’s your relationship going down in flames, it’s a startling reminder.
The Man and I have decided to go our separate ways after nearly five years together. This isn’t what either of us predicted would happen. It’s not even what we really want to happen. However, we both agree it’s what should happen. Things have been stagnant for quite some time now.
The last year has seen more ups and downs than the best roller coasters. There is no one thing we can point to to say’ “Aha! This is when things went to shit!” We have simply grown apart. We’ve gotten into a rut we can’t seem to find our way out of. Rather than continue on and have the same argument over and over, we have decided to be adults about it and go our separate ways. There is no doubt we love each other. We also know that this relationship has seem to have run its course and to continue it out of convenience isn’t fair to either of us.
I may sound as if I’m completely fine and unaffected by this. Rest assured that is not the case. This is extremely, extraordinarily, unbelievably painful. This is the man with whom I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life. Sadly, love just isn’t always enough to keep a relationship afloat. I vacillate between being ok about this one minute, and completely losing my shit the next.
I’m grateful that we are both being mature adults about this. Of course, there were the few raw emotional outbursts on both sides. We have since, however, set aside the emotion for the most part. We are being cordial and civil towards each other. That makes a painful situation somewhat more bearable.
I know it will really knock me on my ass this weekend as he begins to move his things out of our house. I fully predict full blown basket case status, which is why one of my girl friends is coming over on Saturday so we can drink copious amounts of wine.
I am also looking at this as an opportunity to better myself. It has been well over 10 years since I’ve lived anywhere close to my family. I have started looking for jobs up where they are. As soon obtain gainful employment up there, Aidan and I will leave the great state of Florida. I will certainly miss some friends, but I won’t miss this state.
So, as sad and painful as this situation is, I have realized that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
I may be bent, but I am not broken. I will eventually come out the other side of this a better, stronger person, and maybe even learn to love again.